older

They say wisdom comes with age. I am not entirely convinced. Wisdom roots from experience. I would say I have been exposed to many different things this year; being alone in a foreign country (sort of), traveling, having a hellish internship, but with all of these things does it mean that I have become wiser? A truly puzzling question. Yes and no. I know that I like cider. I know how to make a chicken roast. I know why I love traveling. I know that my boss is a horrid, manipulative woman. I know myself better, or I think I do. With all these things that I do know, there is still much to learn. For example, what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life.

I am sick of people asking me that. Yes, I realize that this is my senior year, that I cannot relive the past of my glorious high school days, or shrink in a corner to hide (as much as I want to). I am freaking out a bit. A bit is an understatement of the century. I am engulfed in a blind panic. But people reassure me, "Alex, you have so much talent." "You're such a gifted writer." "You have time, just think about it." The panic still has not abated. This internship has taught me that the real world is a bitch and I am going to end up working somewhere that I'll probably detest just as much, so I better get used to it. I won't resign to that fate, but when I tell myself to rise above that, to become something I want to be, there is a big question mark looming above my head. And until I can figure that out people will just have to live with my answer to that vexing question with, "When I grow up, I want to become an astronaut."