be careful, it's my heart

I'm going to be Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, you know, except without Michael Vartan and a horrendous white boa. Well that and millions of other things. My life does not exactly parallel Josie Grosie's life, but it is time for me to fall in love. But where am I to meet my fated one? Like the lesson learned at the end of 500 Days of Summer, I'll leave it to coincidence, happenstance. One day, hopefully soon, I'll have one of those girl meets boy, boy falls in love with girl, and they live happily ever after. I am not asking for a Asian drama, but something real and when that day comes, be careful, it's my heart.

lazy bum

I have not left my house in like three days. It stuns me how lazy I am.

older

They say wisdom comes with age. I am not entirely convinced. Wisdom roots from experience. I would say I have been exposed to many different things this year; being alone in a foreign country (sort of), traveling, having a hellish internship, but with all of these things does it mean that I have become wiser? A truly puzzling question. Yes and no. I know that I like cider. I know how to make a chicken roast. I know why I love traveling. I know that my boss is a horrid, manipulative woman. I know myself better, or I think I do. With all these things that I do know, there is still much to learn. For example, what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life.

I am sick of people asking me that. Yes, I realize that this is my senior year, that I cannot relive the past of my glorious high school days, or shrink in a corner to hide (as much as I want to). I am freaking out a bit. A bit is an understatement of the century. I am engulfed in a blind panic. But people reassure me, "Alex, you have so much talent." "You're such a gifted writer." "You have time, just think about it." The panic still has not abated. This internship has taught me that the real world is a bitch and I am going to end up working somewhere that I'll probably detest just as much, so I better get used to it. I won't resign to that fate, but when I tell myself to rise above that, to become something I want to be, there is a big question mark looming above my head. And until I can figure that out people will just have to live with my answer to that vexing question with, "When I grow up, I want to become an astronaut."